6 Methods to Preserve Your Individuality As soon as You Get Engaged

For those who’re lately engaged and over-the-moon excited, good for you! Whereas there’s no denying all of the feel-good feelings that come together with soon-to-be married standing, it’s additionally okay to acknowledge that there are a complete vary of different feelings which are completely regular to expertise on this stage of life, too. A kind of is a sense of shedding your individuality. This isn’t solely symptomatic of being lately engaged, however merely being in a severe relationship in and of itself may cause you to really feel extra like a “we” than a “me.”

“In a relationship, two lives come collectively to share experiences, likes, dislikes, objectives, and many others.,” explains Lexa Bender, MA, psychological well being counselor intern and marriage and household therapist intern. “By way of prolonged time spent with their companion, individuals begin to assume first about what their companion likes, unintentionally resulting in them setting their very own needs and must the aspect.”

Whereas your relationship ought to completely really feel like a partnership, sustaining your particular person sense of self is paramount for a wholesome marriage, explains Katie Ziskind, LMFT and proprietor of Knowledge Inside Counseling, in Niantic, Connecticut. “A powerful and wholesome sense of self permits you to carry wellness and maturity into your marriage,” she says. “By no means put all of your eggs in a single basket, however, do be dedicated, respectful, and loving towards your companion.”

Frightened you’re shedding your individuality? Listed here are some methods relationship consultants suggest {couples} guarantee they preserve their sense of self as they put together to get married.

Spend time with household with out your companion.

Though your loved ones is turning into your companion’s household via marriage, it’s nonetheless vital so that you can proceed cultivating your connections together with your different family members, notes Bender. The easiest way to go about fostering familial relationships whereas feeling as if you’re together with your companion is to have a wholesome steadiness of time together with your companion and household and time with out.

Preserve your friendships.

If you’ve been collectively for a very long time, it’s typically the case that your pal teams meld collectively and turn out to be one; nevertheless, friendships ought to by no means be uncared for for the sake of your companion, advises Rachel Smith, licensed marriage and household therapist and intercourse therapist. “Sustaining friendships exterior of the connection helps forestall {couples} from shedding individuality and utterly counting on one another for each facet of their lives,” she says. “{Couples} ought to have the ability to have an excellent time with mates with out guilt or disgrace of not together with the opposite companion.”

Apply self-care.

Life typically will get busier after you get married, particularly relating to beginning a household, which is all of the extra motive why you need to make some extent to carve out time for your self—sans companion. “Since you’re the supply of all you do it’s vital to deal with your self effectively, whether or not this be taking part in train, taking a bubble bathtub, getting a therapeutic massage, a mani/pedi or getting your self flowers,” says Paulette Sherman, Psy.D., psychologist, director of My Relationship & Relationship College and creator of Relationship from the Inside Out. “When you take care of your self this provides you time to acknowledge your individual significance, aside out of your relationships.”

Sustain together with your hobbies and pursuits.

Having passions exterior of your relationship and marriage, be it a weekly pottery class, journaling or going for jogs, is so important to your individuality. “Your creativity brings you pleasure and evokes you, so, in case you used to like singing, writing, or pictures, doing this once more can reconnect you to your self,” says Dr. Sherman. “For those who let your partner know that that is vital to you, she or he will in all probability help it.”

Test in with your self typically.

Bender recommends staying related to your self by periodically checking in. “Asking your self questions equivalent to, ‘What are my wants?’ and ‘Am I pleased?’ will help you preserve consciousness of how you might be doing, each as a person and a companion within the relationship,” she says. “By checking in with your self, you might be making certain that you’re getting what you want and worth inside the marriage—and keep away from shedding your individuality.”

Bear in mind to like your self.

To be totally obtainable in your marriage, Bender says you first must nurture the connection you may have with your self. “Earlier than being a companion to your vital different, you first have to understand and know who you might be as an individual, with or with out the opposite particular person,” she provides. “By being the very best, distinctive ‘you,’ you’ll be able to provide extra to the connection with out shedding your self in it.”

If there’s one factor you need to keep in mind relating to sustaining your individuality in your marriage, let it’s this: Your companion fell in love with you—not who you turned as soon as you bought engaged to her or him. “Marriage is balancing all of the elements in your life which are significant to you to be able to not lose your individuality and all of the elements that make you who you might be,” provides Liana Lorenzo-Echeverri, M.S., Marriage and Household Therapist Intern.